


Kinda Difficult

by Anonymous



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Roommates/Housemates, Baking, Ben and Poe kiss, Bonding over Baking, Butterflies, Cowgirl Position, Dominant Rey, Dreams and Nightmares, F/M, Falling In Love, Happy Ending, Implied/Referenced Abuse, Masturbation, Mental Health Issues, Nightmares, No Pregnancy, Non-Binary BB-8 (Star Wars), Past Abuse, Roommates, Schizophernic Ben Solo, Schizophernic Character, Schizophrenia, Sex Dreams, Submissive Kylo Ren, Therapy, Unsafe Sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-22
Updated: 2020-07-27
Packaged: 2021-03-01 19:28:18
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 15,462
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23792362
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/
Summary: Ben's eyes zero in on her finger as it travels to her mouth. Her tongue flicks over the white icing and his breath stops sharply. Rey watches him, eyes dark as she slowly purses her lips around the digit and sucks. Her cheeks hollow and she makes a soft noise as her eyes flutter shut.The blood rushes from Ben's head so quickly he has to lean against the counter for support."Are you gonna listen to me now?" She asks, voice low and eyes full of promise.
Relationships: Finn/Rose Tico, Leia Organa/Han Solo, Rey & Ben Solo | Kylo Ren, past Bazine Netal/Ben Solo - Relationship
Comments: 19
Kudos: 79
Collections: PunkysStuff





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [flouridation](https://archiveofourown.org/users/flouridation/gifts).



> This is for flouridation. Thanks for being so patient <3 
> 
> If there is something in this chapter you would like tagged please do not be afraid to reach out and let me know. I hope you enjoy.
> 
> Tags for this chapter:
> 
> Mistaken Hallucinations  
> Masturbation  
> Nightmares  
> Blood  
> Car Accident
> 
> There is a description of a car accident involving Ben and Han in this chapter. If you would like to skip this please stop reading at "And make it clear exactly what Rey is getting into. It's fine." until "He shouts awake,"

Living with Rose and Poe is...easy. He’s known them both for so long it feels like they’re his siblings- god knows they fight like it. Ben had once asked Leia why he didn’t have any siblings. She never answered, just kissed his forehead and ruffled his hair. Then distracted him with a new shiny toy. So Poe and Rose are the closest thing to it. They know his quirks;

  1. Don’t disturb Ben when he’s asleep. Even in random places. 
  2. No Guns of any kind in the house. Including water guns.
  3. All knives have to be put away safely and hygienically.



Ben admittedly has a lot more than those three rules, but this way life is just a bit easier. He has people who are able to help him and won’t judge him. Life isn’t perfect, it’s not even good to be honest, but it’s okay. And for the moment okay is all he needs. So the three of them stay in his Grandmother's old apartment. Apartment is probably understating the absolute size of the unit. 

It’s not a rare occurance to find the three of them sitting together. In the living room there they have an L shaped grey leather couch and a pink monstrocity known as Rose’s armchair. It’s a ridiculous spinning circular thing with piles of fluffy pillows shaped like roses and hearts. But it’s so typically Rose that he and Poe can’t refuse the damn thing. It’s mismatched to the black coffee table and the white cabinets of the TV stand but that's okay. Not everything has to fit in. The living room includes their kitchenette with a breakfast island, and adjacent to that is their dining table they only ever set when someone's parents come for dinner. The normal evening routine is just to pile into the big sofa and watch Netflix together. 

Padme had insisted on the foreroom being as open as possible from the moment you stepped in the door. This meant the only things with doors were the bathrooms and bedrooms. Ben and Han had converted the master bedroom into two seperate rooms to add to the other. Poe lives in the one next to Rose, and Ben has the smallest of the three, with the one next to his empty. They say the smallest but it’s still massive, even with a king size bed in the middle of it. Padme had the walls painted yellow for her children, and it stayed that way even after she was gone. So the nursery had been converted into Ben’s room, and he painted the walls the same blue as  the tirumala limniace butterfly he has tattooed over his heart. 

Because he likes that butterfly best. And that's a good place to start.

So Poe and Rose stay with Ben to “give him independence,” as an adult. In reality it’s so Leia doesn’t worry about him getting hurt during another episode and being left alone until it’s too late. It’s fine. Ben isn’t exactly like Rose and Poe anyway - Rose is studying Engineering with a minor in robotics and Poe is determined to be a Pilot like his mother before him. As for Ben...well Ben can’t keep a regular sleep schedule never mind a career or a degree right now. He likes the Butterfly exhibit and can name almost all of the creatures that live there (but he’s been going there since he was three years old, so it’s not exactly unexpected). He’s content working at his Dad’s Car Shop for the moment. Sometimes he balances the books, or he works on cards and occasionally he just curls on the couch in his Dad’s office and sleeps, face buried in the old grease stained checked shirt Han still sometimes wears. It smells like comfort, when his Dad would come home from his trips and would tuck Ben into his elbow and read him Galaxy Battle stories. 

So life is okay. Ben’s family has enough money, he doesn’t have to work if he doesn’t want to. But he likes to see his Dad and Chewie (and occasionally his Mom) even if half the time it ends with Ben and Han arguing and refusing to speak to each other for a while. When it comes down to it, he always has his Uncle Chewie, Rose and Poe. And he’d do anything for his chosen family.

So when Rose comes home talking about a girl from University for the next three weeks, he fully expects there to be something she’s going to ask of him. It begins with;

“Rey can build a functional robot from Toaster parts!”

Then it’s:

“Rey brought me a nutella brownie AND gave me the recipe!”

Which is not a great thing- Rose is an excellent cook but a terrible baker. So she asks Ben to make them instead. And then she says;

“Rey is getting kicked out!”

And that's all Ben knows about this mysterious Rey person. 

  1. They can bake
  2. They like to build things
  3. They are about to be homeless



Ben knows exactly why Rose’s has brought up the last point. They have a spare bedroom and there is enough space for a fourth person in the flat easily. 

Ben sighs, rolling his head onto the sofa, “Rosie, just invite them to stay with us. It’s fine,”

Rose squeals, then quickly dampens her excitement to shoot a quick question to Poe, “And you’re okay with this right?”

Ben doesn’t even need to to turn his head to see Poe’s 100 watt smile, “Sure thing, Rosie. Are they cute?”

Ben snorts and Rose makes a sound of indignation. They all know how to press each other's buttons, and Poe is no saint. 

“Stop trying to sleep with my friends,”

It is a rule they’ve had since they were 16. Rose’s ill fated crush on Poe when he had revealed, “I’m gay,” and then subsequent rebound make out with Ben had awakened some very awkward feelings in the group. They had then made a pact to not hook up with each other OR friends they said were off limits. Rey is clearly one of those people.

It's fine - Ben does okay in the dating department but Poe does better. And if he gets lonely he can always call Bazine for a hookup. She's more tattooed than he is, with scars crisscrossing up her legs like the one that crosses his face into his chest. They bonded over it, fucked over it, and now they're friends. And occasional fuck buddies. It's fine. 

Ben tilts his head back and let's Rose and Poe bicker. He has no more input into the conversation so he tunes it out, focusing on his breathing. In, out. In, out. In, out.

Rose will prep this Rey. Rose will tell them about Ben, warn Rey about the medication in the bathroom and side effects. And make it clear exactly what Rey is getting into. It's fine.

* * *

_ He’s sixteen and screaming at Leia - It’s your fault I’m like this, I want to die, let me die! - before he runs out of the house. He can feel the rain cold and furious against his skin, feet pounding against the pavement- _

_ Ben come back! _

_ It sends shockwaves up his aching legs but he can’t stop, won't stop until he can outrun the sounds, outrun the noise, outrun- _

_ DAD! _

_ Ben’s voice is raw and aching in his throat, screaming for Han, fighting through the collapsed and broken metal for his father. His hands are shaking, flashing from blood covered to clean. He’s banging on the window, and he can see the Han’s head rested against the steering wheel, but all he can see is red, red, red- _

He shouts awake, “DAD!” ringing through the air and haunting the room. Ben’s heart hammers against his ribs as she forces himself to breathe. 

1… 2… 3...

1… 2… 3… 

1… 2… 3…

Ben fists his fingers into something soft...the carpet. Pain radiates up his shoulder. Okay, Ben is home, he’s at the flat and if he calls for Rose she’ll be there in seconds flat. It’s just a memory, it’s not reality. He checks his hands anyway, staring up at the dark ceiling. He’s stuck fighting the urge to call his Dad and check he’s okay because of course Han is okay, he lived, it was a heart attack but it was Ben’s fault, Ben’s fault, Ben’s fault-

“You alright mate?”

The shock of being called ‘mate’ snaps him out of his panic. He stares for a moment before concluding, “I’m having hallucinations,”

The girl cocks her eyebrow looking bewildered. She looks like a drowned rat; soaking wet with her hair curling around her face in thin tails. She shivers in what appears to be her pyjama shorts with a towel wrapped around her fingers. It’s like a pathetic budget costume of the Grudge, but she’s all doe eyed and pouty lips, “I’m sorry?”

Ben sits up, rubbing his eyes with the heel of his hand. He’s unsure as to how long he’s slept but this is a bad sign. Blindly reaching for his phone he hauls himself to his feet. She’s quiet as he does it, but when he’s thumbing through his contacts to find Leia’s number she speaks again, “I’m Rey,”

He doesn’t look at her, “You’re not real,” he glances back up again and shrugs. It doesn't really matter what he says to the hallucination when she won't be there again, "Admittedly you're a very pretty hallucination. But you're not real,"

She makes a noise of confusion but he ignores it even as he walks towards her. There’s a puddle around her, a trail of wetness leading from the door. It sinks into his socks and makes his feet damp. He grimaces he walks, wiggling his toes, “Ew,”

Ben holds his phone up to his ear, dial tone ringing away, “Goodnight, Rey,”

And with that he sweeps into his bedroom, closing the door on those soft eyes as he says, “Mom? I think...I think I’m having hallucinations,”

* * *

Leia is pretty calm about Ben. Even when he's not. It's comforting hearing her say he's okay and getting him an emergency appointment for later in the day. Han is…Han about it and that's alright. His Dad loves him, and Ben loves his Dad. He hasn't exactly told his housemates yet, but his knee is jiggling with his anticipating nerves. He really hates having to update people but hiding stuff only makes it worse and he owes it to… He owes it to himself if nothing else. Meds aren't something he needs to be ashamed of. 

He repeats those words like a mantra as Poe and Rose argue over the characters from Mario Kart, “Poe, you chose Peach last time! Go be Baby Peach instead!”

“Says the one throwing the tantrum!” Poe scoffs back, which evolves into Rose throwing the Joy console at his head. They squabble like siblings and whilst the familiarity should be comforting it only continues to set Ben's teeth on edge. His fingers fumble as the two of them fight, so he runs them through his hair to start braiding. Three strands, over and over again always three stands. He does one side of his head then the other before he finally works up the courage to say, "I had a hallucination last night,"

The fight next to him stops, Rose half clambered into Poe's lap and arguably winning the fight. Her face is a little flushed, short hair pulled into a tiny ponytail on the back of her head. Her eyes are bright with concern, even as she pushes Poe's face further into the couch, "What did you see?"

Ben shrugs, hands tapping on his knees again. He shouldn't have skipped the gym this morning but he wanted comfort on a Sunday morning. Poe and Rose are always willing to provide that. But it means he's keyed up, high on energy he normally exhausts, "A girl,"

Poe's voice is muffled under Rose's hands, "That doesn't sound too bad. Any voices?"

Ben lets out a low huff, "No. No Vader or Palpatine. No Snoke either. But it's not a great sign,"

"No it's not," Rose huffs, eyes narrowing as she rests more weight on Poe, "You told Leia?"

Ben nods, swallowing hard. Rose is brutal but he likes that about her. It's why they've been friends since they met - where Ben was the weird kid, Rose was unnaturally patient. Poe just decided he was Ben's friend and that's how he met Rose. Kind, sweet Rose. 

"FUCK OFF, POE, YOU'RE NOT GETTING TO BE PEACH!"

Yeah Rose who could easily kick his ass. The thought brings a smile to his lips even as he taps his fingers into his jeans. Rose reaches over and soothes her fingers into the braids in his hair. She doesn't say anything, one hand still on her joy con and her eyes trained on the screen. Poe has finally agreed to take Yoshi instead with only minor grumbling. 

With the hard part of the conversation over, Ben stands up. He walks towards the 

"BEN, GET THE DOOR!" Rose bellows from the couch, elbowing Poe frantically as Princess Peach flies off Rainbow Road, "POE, YOU MOTHER FUCKER,"

Ben laughs, walking backwards even as the door hammers again, "I'm coming, Jesus!"

When he finally does answer the door Ben is confronted with the same soft hazel eyes and freckles from last night’s dream. He has to twist Rose’s friendship bracelet very rapidly to remember his promise not to sleep with friends off limits. Rey is a bundle of bright sunshine, with long tanned legs a nose that scrunches when she smiles hello. Her eyes crinkle in happiness and sunlight streams from every single part of her. Her hair is a dark brunette, scraped into three messy buns on the back of her head and she’s dressed for the heat of the day. Daisy dukes and a crop top, under which he can see the abs above her high waisted shorts. For the first time since he was ten, Ben thinks he may have a nose bleed out of sheer lust.

Ben is so stunned he just stands at the door staring at her. It’s long enough that Rey starts to awkwardly shuffle with the box tucked under her arm, “You okay?”

Oh dear lord she is  _ English _ . 

He’s all too quickly thrown back to being 16 and seeing Idris Elba in Thor. He still can’t comfortably watch Thor without a sudden spike in arousal. 

Fuck. 

Her eyes flick up to his ears as he stands there mouth gaping. He's floundering, desperate for something to say when her eyes soften and she says, “I like your Dutch braids,"

He makes a noise in the back of his throat that is remarkably high. She's a hallucination, she's a hallucination, she's a hallucination-

"Rey!"

...She is not a hallucination. 

Rose practically dives over the couch in her haste to clamber over to the other girl. Rey grins even wider as Rose makes a clumsy beeline. Ben quickly rescues Rey’s belongings, so Rose doesn't crush them in her excitement and the two girls collide with a thud. They laugh as they rock, and Ben feels a lot of things click into place. He really needs to phone Leia. Because this is  _ Rey _ .

Oh no. 

His tongue feels too big for his mouth as Rose starts giving off the usual introductions. He clutches the box tighter as Poe shakes Rey's hand hello. He's being a giant idiot he's aware but his world is swirling down to the point where he's going to have to ask why Rey was in the apartment last night-

"Ben and I met last night," Rey is speaking, still looking at him with those soft eyes, a smile on even softer looking lips. Poe looks awestruck, exchanging a glance with Rose. Rey continues, "Yeah I was dripping like a sewer rat whilst Rose was getting towels. I did introduce myself then,"

Ben lets out a huffy breath and croaks, "I didn't think…" he trails off, looking meaningfully at Poe. The other man fortunately gets the hint, pulling out his phone with a quick, "I guess it's not me you need to worry about," with a cheeky grin to Rose before he departs. Which leaves Ben, Rose and Rey stuck staring at each other. Well more accurately, he's staring at Rey and Rose is glaring at him.  _ She knows _ . 

Rose does not look happy, but she says, "I'll head down and grab another box. Ben, why don't you show Rey her room?"

God he could kiss Rose right now but she still looks like she might kill him even as he smiles a little awkwardly at Rey. They start to walk down the hallway together, towards the room next to Ben's. 

"Your ears," Rey tilts her head to the side, that same damn smile from the door on her face, "They're cute,"

He feels them burn and sees Rose give him the look of death over Rey's shoulder. She continues down the hall and keeps her eyes on Ben until she disappears through the front door leaving him alone with Rey. Who is stunning. Ben is in trouble. 

"T-thanks," he finally manages, turning away from Rey to carry the box into her room. She follows him, leaning against the door frame as he sets it down next to her bed frame, "So you  _ are _ Ben, right?"

Ben nods unhelpfully, eyes on her face and  _ not _ on her thighs. She has freckles on her nose. Her lashes fan her cheeks when she closes her eyes. She vows her head for a second, scuffing her sneakers against the door lip. When she looks up her eyes are dark and heated, framed by those damn long eyelashes. She bites her lip and Ben feels light headed, "So you're in the bedroom next to mine?"

Ben is all too aware of that fact. He swallows hard, unable to look away from the tantalising look in her eyes. Her lips curve into a little smile, revealing pearly white teeth behind them. Her wrists rub together almost anxiously as she watches him, "Good to know,"

"Yeah," he breathes. It feels like she's flirting with him, but she can't be...right? "We share a wall,"

"Oh I know that," she waves her hand, rolling her eyes. Her smile turns a little darker, "You convinced I'm not a hallucination now?"

Ben feels his ears turn even redder. She grins and continues, "At least a very pretty hallucination?"

She throws her head back and laughs. The light from the window bisects her face and her eyes glitter with flecks of gold and green. Ben's stomach swoops and his heart skips a beat as this stunning girl laughs with him. He twists his fingers in his friendship bracelet. He's not broken the code yet...but he really really wants to. 

Rey's eyebrows raise a little, playful smile still on her lips. She takes a step towards him, "And you suffer with insomnia too right? Midnight snack parties together?"

That actually sounds really good. To be able to wake up in the middle of the night and have a friend to just share something with? Candy or thoughts. He mirrors her step, feeling his own smile, "That could be fun,"

Rey's smirking now as she takes another step forward, "I can think of a few fun things we can do too,"

Holy shit she is definitely flirting with him. Is it bad etiquette to ask out your roommate the day they move in? Ben isn't sure but he's about to when someone he's never met before rounds the corner. 

"Peanut!" 

Rey spins on her heel to stare at the other man now taking up the door frame. He glances between them, a little confused, "Uh...I'm not interrupting anything am I?" 

They glance at each other a little awkwardly. Before Rey says, a little breathlessly, "Not at all, Finn!"

She takes two large bounding steps and throws herself into the dark skinned man. He picks her up and swings her around and around again. Ben feels his hope stutter then start to die down as Finn puts her on the ground and presses a kiss to Rey's check. She slots her arm around his waist and they start to walk away, chattering happily. 

Ben is left alone with the memory of a bright smile and hazel eyes. It's his own fault. Of course a girl like that isn't single. It's okay. 

* * *

It's not okay. So Ben does what Solo men do best- he runs away. He avoids Rey as often as he can; he stays extra at the gym, takes longer showers and naps in his room more. But Rey may be the most distracting person he has ever met. Because Rey...is messy. And it's everything that ticks him off; she'll do the dishes and put everything away wrong. Or she leaves bread crumbs on the counter whenever she makes toast. And she's just so. Damn. NOISY. She's woken him at least three times in her first week, which means that he is tired and irritable, which has meant he has fought with Rey around twelve times since she has moved in. It makes Ben feel like an asshole but he can't deal with everything else and the lack of sleep. 

So they bicker like they're twenty years younger than they actually are, but every time Rey squares her shoulders and purses her lips Ben's attraction only grows all the more. 

Then it comes to a head at the end of the week when she slams the freezer door shut loudly enough that Ben is thrown from his nightmare on the couch. He wakes up disoriented, jumping awake and away from reaching hands. His heart is pounding in his chest, hands shaking as he springs to his feet. He stumbles, eyes still blurry and nearly trips into the armchair. It spins lazily, brushing against his legs. It grounds him, reminds him of where he is.

High pitched screams are still ringing in his ears as his vision slowly clears. He blinks to evaporate the haze, thick and heavy over his eyes. When it finally clears he finds Rey staring at him from the kitchen. She’s wearing shorts again. Why is she always wearing shorts? Is she trying to make his life even more miserable by taunting him with her perfect ass? Ben isn’t sure what he did in a past life to deserve a roommate that's so hot and such an asshole. And totally off limits.

She cocks her hip and his traitorous eyes follow it, drawn to the bunched gathering of material. They can barely be called shorts, red with white polka dots, barely a scrap covering the swell of her thigh. And he can only see a sliver of tanned thigh because it’s covered by knee high socks, right knee bent over the other coquettishly. He wonders if she’d still wear them with his head between her thighs? Would she let him hold her thighs down as he licked and sucked at her until she cried? With some effort he tries to lift his eyes to hers, but gets stuck on her black strappy tank top. He can see the points of her nipples through the fabric. He unconsciously wets his lips, wondering if she’d let him nip them until they were red and sensitive and he could worship them with his tongue. Her breasts are perfectly sized- he could probably fit one in each hand. Fuck he could probably encircle her waist with his hands. And that only leads him to question if he could hold her up against the wall and fuck her? He can see it now, how she’d moan and pull against his hair as he thrusted into her, how warm and wet she’d be as she tells him he’s a good boy, he’s doing so well-

“Ben?”

His eyes snap to her and that’s his biggest mistake. Her soft plush mouth is wrapped around the spoon in her mouth, big doe eyes blinking at him. She starts to slowly pull it out, teasingly dragging it over her bottom lip to expose her perfect white teeth. Now all he wants is to vault over the couch and take her in his arms, kiss that perfect mouth and make it redder than the cherries in the fruit bowl. He has to try and not whimper as she sucks hard on the end of the spoon, eyes closing as she moans almost obscenely. Then her tongue flicks out to lick the edge and Ben very nearly cums in his pants. 

Fuck.

Ben swallows hard and desperately drags his eyes away, looking absolutely anywhere for anything that isn't Rey. He clenches his fists, nails biting into his skin but it doesn't distract him from the throbbing in his dick. Then he notices the tub of ice cream in her hand. No bowl. Just a tub. Which means-

“Are you eating that straight from the tub?” 

Rey’s eyes pop open, comically wide. She takes a moment to answer and it’s a stuttered, “Y-yeah?” She smiles in an almost friendly way, eyes softening, “You want me to grab another spoon? We can-,”

“That's disgusting,” he blurts out, mouth moving before his mind. The effect is almost instant; her mouth snaps shut and the warm look on her face disappears entirely to be replaced by a growing anger. 

“Are you being serious?” Rey snaps at him.

Ben’s arousal, admittedly slowed by the ice cream, abruptly stops and his hackles rise instead, “Of course I'm serious, Rey! We share that tub!”

Rey rolls her eyes and dramatically lifts her spoon. Her pointy pink tongue darts out to lick around the handle of the spoon. Then she flattens it and lathes up the concave inside. It’s at this moment Ben’s dick decides to become involved in the conversation and to be honest? He has never been this  _ horny _ or  _ angry _ . In fact he doesn't think he's ever been both at the same time. Rey just seems to have this way of captivating him completely. Like right now, when she's holding the shining spoon threateningly above the open ice cream. She raises her eyebrows, daringly. 

_ Do it. _

“Don't try it,” Ben grits out, teeth clenched. His hands are screaming at him but it's the only thing stopping his cock from rising to the occasion so to speak.

The spoon lowers. Rey smirks, eyes gleaming. 

“Rey,” he almost doesn't recognise his voice, growling and low. 

Rey is still staring at him, fire in her eyes and dark amusement curling her lips, “What are you gonna do, Ben? Punish me?”

And now he's thinking about a punishment she’d dole out with spit slicked lips as she tugs on his hair and moans-

It's at this point Ben gives up. He throws his hands in the air, “You know what, Rey, do whatever you damn well want to,”

Rey slams the tub back on the counter and haphazardly slams the lid back on, “You don’t control me, Ben!”

"I’m not trying to!” he yells back. Rey starts to storm towards him, little buns bouncing. He raises his eyes so he doesn’t see anything else bounce either. Ben has no hope of concealing his boner if she gets any closer so he does what all Solo men do; makes a run for it. 

He gets to the door of his bedroom before Rey bellows, “SUCK MY DICK, SOLO!”

He can’t stop himself from yelling, “MAKE ME, NIMA!” back.

Now, Ben is stuck in his room, mad as all hell and his dick is as hard as it has ever been. It only takes seconds before Rey’s door slams as well. He can hear her frustrated (if muffled) scream through the wall. He rolls his eyes and flops backwards onto his own bed. He valiantly ignores his own cock at this moment, debating putting on something loud so he can be  _ loud  _ and not worry about eavesdroppers. It’s not something he’s had to worry about before but now he’s worries that if he plays music she’ll  _ know  _ and if she  _ knows- _

Ben presses his fists into his closed eyelids until sparks of colour burst through the darkness. Red and white, like Rey’s tiny shorts on her tanned thighs. 

His dick throbs.  _ Fuck _ .

He weighs the pros and cons silently before he hears a soft gasp. Then a breathy moan. From the shared wall. The wall he shares with Rey.

Ben isn’t thinking when he unbuttons his jeans, pushing them and his boxers to his thighs. His cock juts towards his stomach, angry and red. He grabs it in his hand and hisses at the contact, pumping rapidly into his fist. He’s not going to last long, but from the high pitched moans from Rey it’s clear she won’t either. He can almost see her in his mind's eye, cheeks and chest flushed pink as she moans without shame. He has to bite his fist to keep from moaning with her at the image, cock weeping onto his stomach. His hand moves faster as he pictures Rey’s face, eyes tight as she chases orgasm. 

His fist strips his dick, hips arching off the bed as his balls start to tighten. He’s so close, his thumb swiping over the head as precum leaks onto his belly. He’s so fucking close he just needs-

“Ben!” Rey’s cry is breathy, high and long. And comes for what feels like years. It strips up his chest in long bursts, and he breathes deeply as black clouds the edges of his vision.  _ Holy fuck _ . He feels dizzy, floating as the cum gets tacky on his shirt. He lays there, chewing on his lip as he debates what the fuck he is going to do. Ben just came to the thought of his roommate, and apparently she came to the thought of him. The longer he lays there, the more sure he becomes of three things:

  1. Ben was a dick to Rey (but what she did was gross but he could have been nicer to her).
  2. Rey has used him as a masturbatory fantasy.
  3. Ben has a massive crush on Rey.




	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> With a sigh he turns off and steps out of the shower, making a face at his mirror over the sink. Rose has left a message reading, "Smile Gorgeous!" And despite himself, Ben does. He starts to tie his towel around his hips, then Rey barges through the bathroom door, yelling, "Hey Ben, turns out R2-,"
> 
> It all happens too slow and too fast but Ben is helpless to stop it. In his panic he doesn't manage to affix the towel properly. So when he flinches back, his hands let go...and so does the towel. It hits the floor with a wet plop and Rey's jaw nearly hits the ground too. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey I'm back! 
> 
> Tw
> 
> Hair pulling  
> Sex dream with restrained arms  
> Accidental exposure  
> Small anxiety attack from Ben  
> Creepy doll.

With his realisation hitting him a lot harder than he had thought, Ben does what Solo men do best; he avoids it. He avoids Rey and Finn as much as he can; he hits the gym twice as hard (sometimes twice a day), visits the Butterflies, hides in his room and avoids them more than Han when he's pissed off Leia. It works, even if Poe scoffs at him.

It's been raining all day, the sky a stormy grey to match Ben's mood. He's grumpy and tired, walking home from the gym with a recent fight with Rey still on his mind. He can't seem to get his foot out of his mouth around her, but she doesn't make it exactly easy either. They fought over microwaving tea (and arguably, that was Rey's instigation. She ranted for about five minutes about the invention of electric kettles and did not like Ben's acute eye roll. In his defence, he just wanted some Green tea). Poe and Rose had ignored them and Rose had once again thoroughly kicked Poe's ass at Mario Kart so bad the man refused to play with her again.

Music blares through his airpods, crooning love songs. So he almost misses the shuffling in the dumpster he's passing. He stops, peering over a dirty white lip. The words R2-D2 are printed in blue on the side, chipped and filthy as the rest of it. Nothing moves for a few moments so he shrugs and is ready to move on again but...Ben blinks and rubs his eyes hard. He's tired yes, but he's sure that pile of garbage moved. Rain pelts off his shoulders as he moves closer, peering over the lip of the dumpster. The trash pile moves again, and tiny brown eyes blink back at him from the inside of the bin. There is a small pathetic whine and his heart melts enough that he hauls himself to land directly on top of the trash bags. They let out a putrid waft of air and he has to fight hard not to gag. But when he lifts the sodden cardboard and sees the tiny puppy underneath it...yeah, it suddenly becomes worth it. 

* * *

"What's that?" Rey squints at Ben over the couch, blinking blearily. 

"It's a puppy," he says gruffly, shaking his wet hair. The dog whines pathetically as Rey stands, stretching towards the roof with delicate looking arms. Ben's traitorous eyes are drawn to her ass, still stuck in tiny shorts. It's like she lives to torture him. She rounds the couch, grabby hands reaching for Ben's hoodie which he relinquishes to her. 

"Oh my god," Rey's voice goes high enough that it hurts a little as she rubs at the tiny little ears. Then she starts firing rapid questions at him, "What kind of puppy? Where did you find them? What's their name?"

"One, I don't know, they're filthy. Two, I found him in a dumpster outside," Rey's nose wrinkles at his admission and she and the puppy take a full step back from Ben. He rolls his eyes, shrugging off his bag. His shirt is sticking uncomfortably to his skin, freezing wet as the warmth of the room, so he takes it off in the living room, planning on divesting clothes the entire way to the bathroom. 

Rey stutters in her sentence as he toes off his shoes. He looks at her inquisitively, hand braced against the wall. She scratches the dogs ears still, a little absentmindedly, her mouth slightly ajar. He calls her name for her attention, "Rey?"

Rey's eyes snap to his again, a soft flush on her cheeks, "Yeah uh...yeah. Where did you find him?"

Ben frowns, a little confused, "The dumpster?"

Her mouth snaps shut with an audible click, the blush spreading to her neck and chest, "Yeah the dumpster,"

Ben shrugs again, brushing off Rey's weirdness. He pets the dog one more time before heading towards the shower, "It was blue and white. The R2-D2 unit,"

"So his name is R2-D2?"

Ben doesn't dignify it with an answer, closing the door to the bathroom behind him. Rey shouts through the door about giving the puppy a bath in the sink and phoning a vet to which he grunts an affirmative. The water is soothing on his tired muscles, warming his frozen skin. He tries to keep it as short as possible, knowing that a vet trip may be in his near future but knowing he may be on a trip with a girl that both excites and infuriates him makes him want to primp for a little bit longer.

But all good things must come to an end, even hot showers. With a sigh he turns off and steps out of the shower, making a face at his mirror over the sink. Rose has left a message reading, "Smile Gorgeous!" And despite himself, Ben does. He starts to tie his towel around his hips, then Rey barges through the bathroom door, yelling, "Hey Ben, turns out R2-,"

It all happens too slow and too fast but Ben is helpless to stop it. In his panic he doesn't manage to affix the towel properly. So when he flinches back, his hands let go...and so does the towel. It hits the floor with a wet plop and Rey's jaw nearly hits the ground too. 

She just stares, her mouth open in a soft "o" even as Ben grabs desperately for another towel or SOMETHING to cover his junk. His hands (unfortunately) aren't big enough to cover all of himself. 

"REY!" he snaps and her eyes flick up to him. Her mouth closes and opens a few times as colour flushes her cheeks. Even when she's embarrassed she's still beautiful and Ben needs his dick to get the message that NOW IS NOT THE RIGHT TIME.

"Oh god," she moans, clapping her free hand over his eyes so fast the smack is audible. Ben would quite like the floor to swallow him at this moment, even as he wraps the new towel around his waist, "I'm so sorry I didn't mean to see your Benis, Pen- OH GOD!"

And then she turns tail, still clutching R2 to her chest. Ben can hear both Rose and Poe howling with laughter on the couch and Rey's hissed, "Shut the fuck up," as she retreats into the kitchen. She's left the door wide open, and much to Ben's absolute embarrassment he knows Poe and Rose have definitely seen this moment too. 

  1. Rey has seen his dick. And called it Benis. 
  2. He's going to have to see her to discuss R2-D2's care. 
  3. He's going to die of embarrassment before the week is out. 



Great. He has another reason to avoid Rey for the rest of his life. Just wonderful. 

It's fine.

* * *

(It's not fine)

Poe pronounces it Ben-us. And refuses to call Ben anything else for the next week. Rey and Ben awkwardly avoid each other. It gets to the point where Ben leaves the room when she starts to approach him because there are levels of embarrassment he can't face and this is one of them. Poe calls him a coward, Rose joins in and Bazine is the only one with an ounce of sympathy. But she mocks him too. They discuss R2 through their roommates and Ben takes him to the vet appointments that Rey can't make. But they co-own him. And it kind of works. 

It's a casual Saturday where R2 is snoozing on his lap and he is thoroughly thrashing Poe at MarioKart when information he would have jumped at two weeks ago, before… before the  _ incident  _ is dropped. 

"Rey isn't dating anyone," Poe says it casually, like he doesn't know that Ben is dangerously invested in her every movement.

Ben's head whips to stare at him and Peach flies off the Rainbow Road, "What?"

Poe glides into first place and fist pumps. He whoops loudly, then turns to look at Ben with a shit eating grin, "Finn is so into Rose it's adorable. She's a little more than  _ just  _ into him," Poe sighs, rubbing his nose absentmindedly "Another game?"

Ben punches Poe's arm hard enough for the smack to wake R2 who grumbles and shuffles off his knees. Poe whines and moans for a few minutes before settling down again. He flips through the characters, debating just picking Peach again as the winner of the last game but his timer beeps and ruins his plans. It’s just in time too, Rose barging through the door with a yell of, “CAN I PLAY?” 

He relinquishes his seat easily, standing to fetch bags of pink and white icing from the fridge with cooled paw like biscuits. A new project, born of the stress of this entire fucking week. It’s too much to ask to have a moment of peace to ice them during most times of the day, so having everyone totally distracted is both relaxing and motivating. Also, they look like R2’s paws, the inspiration for the shape. The fact that Rey is wearing a pink and white playsuit has absolutely nothing to do with the colour of the icing of course. They’re supposed to be a peace offering, and if he deliberately added in drops of red until the pink matched perfectly then that is his business and his alone.

"Ben, can we talk?"

He pretends he’s fine, even when sweat beads across his brow. The cookies are suddenly unfocused, hands shaking as he desperately tries to pipe another paw. 

"And I-," Rey trails off in the middle of her speech, eyes focused just past Ben's arm, "Is that a Kettle?"

"Yeah," he glances from the kettle to her again, "I wanted to apologise for being a dick when you moved in. And for being a dick about the kettle conversation,"

Okay he's not actually sorry about the kettle conversation. But Rey is looking at him with soft eyes, a little smile curling up at the corner of her mouth. And he'll take the fault any time she's gonna look at him like that. 

"Ben," Rey's nose scrunches as she beams. It's like a little bunny and everything in Ben wants to kiss her, "That's so kind of you,"

The noises from the TV buzz in the back of ears, everything utterly focused on Rey. He coughs, trying hard to focus on blurry biscuits, “No problems I just-,”

"Good Boy,"

Ben squeezes the piping bag so hard icing covers his hand and the kitchen counter. It's said so quietly he's not sure she even said it, but a quick glance from the corner of his eyes shows Rey is standing watching him. She deliberately steps closer, her shorts brushing against his Jean leg as she reaches out. Her finger cuts through one of the stripes on the parchment, leaving melted sugar on the tip. He turns and she follows, standing in the V of his legs as he leans against the counter. He's feeling light headed just with the flush on her skin, her slow blinks as her eyelashes flutter against her cheeks. It's like time slows down. Ben's eyes zero in on her finger as it travels to her mouth. Her tongue flicks over the white icing and his breath stops sharply. Rey watches him, eyes dark as she slowly purses her lips around the digit and sucks. Her cheeks hollow and she makes a soft noise as her eyes flutter shut. She pulls the finger out with a soft pop, tip shining.

The blood rushes from Ben's head so quickly he has to lean against the counter for support. 

"Are you gonna listen to me now?" She asks, voice low and eyes full of promise. Ben swallows. And nods. 

Rey's lips curve, soft and slow where she has him pinned against the countertop. Her pointed finger trails downwards, drawing across her bare neck and down to her modest cleavage. Ben can't tear his eyes away, even with his brain screaming at him that this is somehow a trap. Her free hand grips his chin hard, nails pressing into his lip. Why does that make his dick throb? He needs to get lai-

“We need to talk about the bathroom incident,”

It’s a trap.

"Look," she hisses, soft gaze gone and sincerity wrapped in a vial of serious  _ don’t fuck with me _ vibes that only makes him want her more, "I'm sorry I saw your-OW!"

Because Ben is five and not twenty five he pinches her in an effort to get away as quickly as he can. He doesn't count for Rey using as childish antics as he does. So he's entirely surprised when she grabs a fistful of his hair and yanks,  _ hard _ .

Three things happen at that moment. Ben moans as any tiny amount of blood left anywhere else in his body rushes automatically to his dick, he hits his knees in submission and the room freezes. Peach flies off the Rainbow Road again, Wario squealing in dismay as everyone else races past him. 

No one says anything, Ben just hauls to his feet and practically runs for his room, desperate to escape everyone's wide eyes. He hears Rey on his heels but slams the door behind him so hard it rattles in its hinges. She slams into the door herself as he throws himself on the bed, cringing in embarrassment. Why does he always end up here with Rey?

"Ben!" the woman in question shouts through the door and he holds a pillow over his face. He presses harder, hoping that he might suffocate himself into forgetting this entire thing happened, "Ben please!"

“Please go away,” he whines, muffled by the cotton. Just let him die in peace, strangled in the moonlight by a damn pillowcase.

“Just open up, Ben. I want to apologise,”

He ignores her, rolling on to his stomach and covering his ears so he doesn’t need to listen to her begging him through the door. It sours in his stomach, making him feel tired and ashamed. He just wants to roll over and sleep it off, maybe try to forget some of this-

_ Good boy, _ rings in his ears. Well...maybe not all of it.

* * *

_ His shoulders hurt but he doesn’t care, panting hard.  _

_ “How you doin, baby? Okay to keep going?” _

_ He nods, fisting his hands where they’re tied behind his back. His knees burn, so he leans back, throwing back his head as he tries to relieve pressure from them. She notices and grabs his hair, pulling it back harder when he whines and shuffles, cock bobbing as he seeks relief. He sobs, body bending as he leans with her, fire licking up his spine as his thighs flex. He’s so close, so, so, fucking close all he needs is a- _

_ Rey presses a soft kiss to his slack mouth. _

_ “Good boy,” _

He cums and snaps awake, pleasure coursing through his veins. His hips stutter, cum flooding his pants as he groans his release into the mattress. 

This is...gonna be a big problem, isn’t it?

* * *

Ben avoids Rey for the rest of the day, flush on his cheeks everytime he looks at her. He can only hope she DIDN’T hear his dream, or else Ben may literally combust with absolute embarrassment. It’s too much to hope that the ground will swallow him when he walks back into the living room later when the sun has finally set. Poe and Rose deliberately don’t look at him, pretending to be very invested in a commercial for a Frosted Flakes. He ignores them both, heading towards the kitchen to see his cookies. They’re all practiced in the art of ignoring awkward situations: Poe walked in on Tai and Ben more than he cares to remember, he’s walked in on Rose and her ex partners more than once and Poe...at this point he knows accurately what Poe’s dick looks like.

Ben is trying very hard not to picture it again when he spots that whilst most of his cookies have been put away there is one left. Rey appears in his peripheral vision, looking guilty.

“Hey,” she says, awkwardly shuffling from foot to foot. He tries not to be defensive, picking up his cookie with, “sorry” written on it in crooked icing, “I wanted to-,”

“Nope,” he starts and shoves a cookie in her mouth. Her eyes widen in surprise but she bites down, hands rising to grab the leftover outside of her mouth. Her eyes close, tongue flicking out to catch the crumbs left on her bottom lip. He swallows, watching her mouth move. He’s transfixed by her, watching her eyes slowly open again. The iris is nearly eclipsed by her blown out pupils.

He wonders if she’d taste like icing now. There is icing on her knee, fuzzy socks on her feet. If he drops to his knees now, presses kisses to the inside of her thigh would she squirm? Would she fist his hair or-.

“This intense staring thing you two do is a bit weird,” 

That breaks the staring contest, both of their heads whipping around to find Rose smiling at them. They take a unanimous step away from each other, Rey with a lofty, “I’m sure I don’t know what you mean,”

“There is only one way to fix this,” Poe declares, rubbing his hands together with a glee that unnerves everyone else, “ROOMMATE MOVIE NIGHT!” 

Silence reigns down. Well, mostly silence; the crunch of Rey’s chewing just underlines everyone's disagreement with Poe. He pouts, crossing his arms where he’s kneeling on the couch.

“It will be fun,” Poe says stubbornly, “We can watch a musical?”

“SOLD!” Rose cries, leaping over the back of the couch to grab the remote, “What are we thinking? Mamma Mia?”

Ben vetoes that one, “No,”

Rey suggests next “What about Black Friday? It’s a new one by Starkid. I haven’t seen it yet,”

“Ben loves their “The Guy Who Didn’t Like Musicals,” one!” Rose gushes, plopping down on her favourite chair as Poe flicks through the YouTube menu. Poe takes one side of the L, leaving only the otherside for Ben and Rey. He sits quietly next to the arm of the chair, letting her sit next to him. Rose jumps again to switch off the lights and the whole room basks in the darkness. The show stars, a ticking clock echoing which turns into an excited bearded man.

“This jingle is cute,” Rey bobs her head, then makes a face when she sees the cuddly toy, “Oh wow that is not cute,”

“That doll is creepy,” Rose agrees, shuddering. She pulls a pillow round to hug into, “Their production values have gone up a lot, wow,”

“Hmm,” Rey agrees, tucking her feet under her. She leans closer into Ben before glancing up at him with a whispered, “This okay? I’m a little cold,”

He swallows hard, just managing to nod as she snuggles into his bicep. He tries hard to focus on the story, the character singing about a toy for his son but all he can think of is how Rey’s hand feels on his arm, short nails tickling at his skin. He wants her so bad, dressed in her little red sleep shorts with her oversized t shirt which is...one of  _ his _ . She smiles up at him, “I hope you don’t mind? R2 just sleeps better with me when I wear this,”

Ben nods, trying to plaster a smile on his face cause he is not freaking out. He’s still not freaking out when she moves closer, draping herself along his side with her head on his shoulder. 

IT’S FINE.

Or it could be, even when he’s digging his fingernails into his knees if it wasn’t for the creepy ass doll talking to the girl on the screen. It makes his skin crawl, discomfort settling over him like a heavy blanket. Especially when her little sister makes a comment about hearing a spider from space. He twitches, watching the characters get greedy and mean. The love song is cute though, watching them bond in a sickly sweet way. He’s into the guy in the trench coat a little bit, but that’s more cause he liked him in the other musical. Then things start to devolve into chaos...over a doll...and thats when things start to get darker. He manages to hold out until the doll speaks to Hannah, and that’s it. He jumps to his feet, sweat pricking at his brow. Everyone turns to stare at him, all frowning. He panics again, muttering an excuse about being tired before he flees, a quick pace to his bedroom that he will not call a run.

He paces for a bit, nervous energy making him panicky and dumb, before he flops on his bed. It’s a show, it’s not real, its not gonna trigger a relapse. He repeats the mantra over and over, always in threes before he flops onto his bed. The image of the green monster lingers behind his eyes and he pops them back open, just as the door swings open.

It’s Rey, the light shining around her in a full body halo. The answer to his prayers. She holds two mugs in her hands, one with a Kylo Ren imprint and the other Kira from the Galaxy Battles series. The Kira one belongs to him which means...oh. He slowly sits up, watching her shuffle her feet in the doorway. Stupid stripey socks just make her look even more innocent, and he feels guilty for his thoughts about her.

“I made Hot Chocolate?” she offers quietly, holding out the Kira mug like it’s an olive branch. Her hand shakes a little, eyes on the floor like she thinks he won’t take it, “Not the packet shit...like this fancy hot chocolate you can get from this shop called Whittards and now I’m rambling please-,”

He stands up, taking two quick steps to take the mug from her with a small, “Thank you,”

She breathes a sigh of relief, holding her own mug with two hands. He pats the bed and she slinks inside. The door swings shut behind her, casting the two of them bathed in moonlight and they just sit side by side on the bed. If this was a romantic movie this would be the part where Ben makes a joke and Rey laughs and they kiss, he thinks. But instead it’s just Rey offering comfort to him when he’s spiralling. For some reason, he likes that more.

He just stares down at the melting whipped cream, marshmallows bobbing along the surface. His hand starts to shake hard and Rey takes it wordlessly, putting it on his bedside cabinet. She smiles back, putting her own next to it, “It’s a bit too hot to drink right now,”

It’s been less than a month of them living together and Ben may actually be falling in love with her. She reminds him of Tai, especially with how she acknowledges who he is and what that means but still know’s he’s her equal. It’s nice, even if it’s what should be expected. But what he doesn’t expect is for her to start playing soft music on her phone before she shuffles back, opening her arms for him to rest into. He’s six foot 3, laying with his head in her lap like a child and he’s never felt more at home than he does right there.

“I’m sorry if the doll freaked you,” Rey whispers, playing her fingers across his hair, “And I’m sorry I pulled your hair,”

He doesn’t say anything, just staring up at her like the angel she is. 

“Rose thinks that I moved out because Plutt was gonna kick me out,” her voice is monotone, like she’s trying to dissociate from herself, “He wasn’t...I’ve had a lock on my door since I was 14...He said that now I was 21 I owed him for everything he’s done for…” she trails off and swallowing hard as she fights for composure. She raises her head and takes a deep gasping breath, eyes gleaming in the moonlight, “I was smart enough to take it seriously,”

“I’ve been in therapy since I moved here,” Rey continues, and she finally looks at Ben. She pins him in place with the fierceness of her gaze, “This isn’t healthy, Ben,”

He just nods. What else is there to say? It's a fight he's been running from for so long that he's not sure how to stop. He wants to tell her, the words bubbling up on his tongue like popping candy but when he opens his mouth only crackles can be heard. Rey is still staring at him, but there is only patience in her gaze. It soothes the frustration boiling under his skin, settles the rhythm of his heart long enough for the words to pour out of him, "My therapist was a dick,"

Rey just blinks. Her face doesn't change, still smooth and blank. She's waiting for him to continue. His mouth goes dry, tongue feeling too big as he continues, “He told me I was right and my parents didn’t love me because of who I was. I...I was 14 and believed everything he said because he was a  _ therapist  _ and I-,” he squeezes his eyes shut, fighting not to cry because he hasn’t spoken about this in years and it hurts like it did back then. But now there is shame, shame that makes him want to curl into a ball and hide. He desperately seeks forgiveness he doesn’t feel he deserves. His voice is a whisper, cracking in the middle as a tear crawls down the side of his face, “I believe him still, sometimes. That people won’t believe me now,”

The admission echoes in the air like the horrible truth it is. He feels pathetic, embarrassed and useless. To be so old and seeking comfort like a child. But Rey’s hand is still soothing, soft and careful as it threads through his hair. She just keeps taking slow breaths, until she whispers, “I think that too. You’re not alone, Ben,”

He opens his eyes, her words soothing his hurt like a soft balm on an infected wound. He guesses it is, problem untreated for so long with bandaids slapped over the growing chasm. He licks his lips, still breathless. “Neither are you,”

She just smiles, moving her free hand to cup his face. They just smile at each other, lost in a swirl of emotions. Rey is so beautiful, just like the first time she takes his breath away. Ben feels lost in her kindness, the love she shows everyone and everything. Especially R2. Especially him. Her mouth parts, his eyes watching them so intensely that a flush breaks out on her cheeks, warming her skin like roses in bloom, “Ben…”

R2 jumps onto the bed with a grumble and she flinches, hands flying to her mouth. Ben laughs, finally sitting up and hauling the puppy onto his lap. R2 yaps, chewing on his fingers for play as Rey grumbles about hot chocolate growing cold. She’s right, cream melted on top with her marshmallows melting into a pink goo. But it’s the perfect temperature anyway, and Ben swallows a majority of his mug in one go. It’s slightly bittersweet on his tongue, dark in the way he always thinks chocolate should be, a sugary after kick that haunts his taste buds. He ponders, watching her take a deep drink of her own, pleased expression radiating over her face which only serves to make him smile back.

Fuck. He really has it bad for her.

"Okay," he says, watching her wipe the cream off her nose. Her eyes sparkle and he so desperately wants to kiss her. But he doesn’t want to take advantage of a moment that's clearly not romantic and just about her encouraging him to be a better person. He comes to the conclusion as R2 licks happily at his fingers, puppyish yips even as Rey shushes him. He takes a deep breath, "I'll... I'll go to therapy again,"

So Ben ends up with another three things he's certain of. 

  1. He's sharing ownership of a dog with a girl he really REALLY likes.
  2. He's not alone.
  3. He's going back to therapy. 



It’s gonna be fine. Yeah…it’s actually gonna be fine.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Musicals Mentioned
> 
> [Black Friday](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Bqt4_tHLSB4&t=255s)   
>  [The Guy Who Didn't Like Musicals](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IrxKX44qBJ0&t=4756s)
> 
> Comments and Kudos mean the world to me! Thanks for reading.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> And then his lap is full of Rey and she’s kissing him. He's kissing Rey. HOLY FUCK HE'S KISSING REY. This isn't supposed to be happening but somehow it is, her hand is on his face. His hands are currently waving around in the air like the idiot he is so he wraps them into her three buns instead, pulling them so her hair is loose in his fingers instead. She moans into his mouth and his eyes roll back into his skull with pleasure as she moves to straddle him on the couch

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ALL DONE! This has been both a challenge and fun to write. I hope you all have enjoyed it with me.
> 
> BB-8 is a nonbinary character in this chapter.
> 
> TW
> 
> Ben goes to therapy  
> Han mentions his past  
> Leia and Ben have a discussion  
> Ben has self loathing and a realisation  
> Ben and Poe kiss  
> Ben/Tai is mentioned  
> Kissing  
> Unprotected Sex  
> Hair pulling  
> Wedding

Ben shuffles in his chair, the Dr just watching him with big blue eyes and soft brown skin. They just stare at each other for the first five minutes after introductions. Dr Call-Me-Ahsoka Tano.

She breaks the silence first, “Do you want to talk about anything?”

Ben grimaces, shaking his head, “Not particularly,”

To her credit, she just smiles. Doesn’t roll her eyes or huff at him. Endless patience. She’s gonna need it to deal with him.

"Do you knit at all?" Ashoka holds out two pointy sticks.

Ben shifts uncomfortably as he eyes them. They're metal and look too sharp to be safe to him. Ashoka just waits patiently, the picture of calmness. He finally manages to tear his eyes away to look at her instead, "No. I'm uh, I'm not comfortable with how sharp those are,"

Okay," Ashoka shrugs and delicately slides the needles back into the pouch they came from. She then pulls out a loop of wood with a swatch of white fabric in the middle. It's riddled with holes, "How about cross stitch?"

Ben thinks of the embroidery his mother does -swear words covered in pretty flowers- and thinks that maybe that could be good to do too. She taught him years ago...and if he’s correct he’ll be able to start cross stitch the same way. Ashoka just watches him as he threads the blue through the hole of the needle she provides. She doesn’t comment on how his hands shake at the point, and just quietly talks him through how to do the stitches evenly. One over the other, repeating motions that soothe his discomfort.

“So it’s your birthday this weekend,” Ashoka picks up a hoop of her own, lettering Ben can’t see well on it, “What are your plans for it?”

He doesn’t say anything, staring intensely at his own paper. Tears prick behind his eyes and makes the image swim but he ignores it. It’s a stupid mental block that makes him feel powerless, warns him against telling anyone the truth because what happens if they don’t believe him? What would happen if Snoke was right?

Ashoka breathes in and says, “Ben, we don’t need to talk about anything serious. Sometimes it’s good to just talk about what's going on. What goes on is just between you and me,”

"I don't know how to do therapy well," Ben admits, wiping the droplet off of the blue crosses, "I'm...not sure what I'm supposed to do in it. I don't think I can talk about anything yet,"

The words hang in the space between them. Ben counts the stitches as he waits. 1...2...3...

"Therapy is hard, Ben," Ashoka finally says, eyes on her own project, "But that's okay. Sometimes it's easy too. But it's always worth it. Even if all we do today is just stitch,"

And that's okay. This is actually fine. 

* * *

"I was on trial," Han says it proudly and Ben has to resist rolling his eyes, "Leia was my  _ fantastic  _ lawyer-,"

"He was a scoundrel," Leia interrupts, rolling her eyes, "I was a brand new lawyer trying to get him off on a smuggling charge,”

“She succeeded,” Han declares it proudly and Ben cringes further into his plate. Rose and Poe laugh, having heard the story many times before, but Rey stares at them wide eyed like a child.

He smiles into his water anyway. Family night didn’t start well, but it’s become a monthly event where his parents come round and they make a whole thing of it. Rose or Poe cooks and Ben makes desert. Tonight it’s cheesecake made at Rey’s request, but this strange cold concoction instead of a baked creation. It tastes sweet though, and he knows his mother will love it. She adores Rey already, having gifted her a scarf along with Rose as she walked in the door. Ben's Birthday is always an event but he appreciates it being a lower key one, especially after the mess that was his first therapy session in a long time. 

Rey...well Rey is Rey and she had gone in the car with him, sitting outside in the waiting room and making him fill out forms for his insurance. 

"I don't mind," she said, poking through wool with a crochet hook, "I see Dr Maul here anyways, and it's good to get comfortable waiting for uncomfortable things. I'm used to waiting,"

He doesn't think he would have gone in without her. But now they're at home, finishing a three course meal as Leia sips her wine and Rey packs away twice her body weight in food. 

“You know,” Leia muses, on her fourth glass of wine and all soft in the eyes as she watches Rey nearly lick her plate clean, “I was about your age when I had Ben. Han’s car, which is called the Falcon, has these fold down-”

“OKAY!” Ben jumps to his feet, desperate not to hear the story of his conception again. His eyes roll around the room, seeking out one person, “Rey, wanna help me get the dessert ready?”

She turns to him, all teasing eyes, “But I’m really enjoying-,”

“Please,” he nearly begs her but she takes pity on him, rising fluidly. 

He pretends he doesn’t hear his father ask, “Are they always like that?”

He pretends even harder that he doesn’t hear Poe scoff and Rose answer, “Worse,”

Plates clank loudly as he takes them from the cupboard, separating them as Rey opens a drawer for a knife. He turns away to open the fridge, dancing around each other with slight smiles that make the butterflies flutter in his stomach. He sets down the cheesecake and lifts the tin around it. It stays in a perfect circle. He feels pretty accomplished with that alone. 

“How was therapy?” Rey asks in a quiet whisper. He waits for a second, holding the edges of the plates as she slices through the creamy texture. Even thick slices, one for each plate. 

“It was…” he has to think for a second, knowing his emotions play over his face. She doesn’t watch him though, instead elbowing his stomach gently so he moves back as she steps forward with the sharp knife. He has to close his eyes so he doesn’t stare at her in adoration for that one, “It was therapy. It was hard, but it’s gonna get better,”

She puts the final piece of cake on a plate, knife put safely in the sink before she turns to smile at him. Her nose scrunches and she stands on her tiptoes. Her hands rest on his chest, “C’mere,”

He stares at her. The position is inherently romantic, and he hopes she realises that. Her eyes rest on his mouth for a second, her hands shaking a little as she places her hands on either side of his face. Oh god, she recognises it. He closes his eyes, trying not to shiver in the anticipation of it. Her lips press gently against his nose and his eyes pop open. She just grins, landing back on her heels with a soft, “Happy birthday, Ben,”

And then she scrunches her nose at him, picking up three plates of cake and walking back over to the table. He takes a slow breath, head spinning from a fucking peck. Everyone else is still in full swing, laughing at another embellished tale Han is sharing. He sits quietly, picking up his own fork. 

“No candles, Benny?” his mother teases. He fights the urge to roll his eyes.

“It might be my birthday, mother, but I will never put candles on a cheesecake,” he shoots back playfully and she laughs. It’s taken them years to get this point but god how he adores it. His dad and him might always be stuck in the awkward area that Ben will always blame himself for...but they have this. And this for now is enough. He takes the bite of the cheesecake first, chewing. It’s good, not amazing, but Rey acts like it’s the best thing she’s ever tastes. Ben watches her take a bite of the cheesecake, eyes closing as she savours it. 

“You know you two would make such a beautiful couple,”

Ben chokes, sputtering crumbs all over the table as he fights for air. Rey jumps to her feet, speaking through a mouthful, “Ben awre ewe-!”

“I’M FINE!” he coughs, slamming his own hand into his chest as he reaches for his water. Typical fucking Han, Ben shoots him a glare as he gulps down, but then Leia is the one who gives him an almost heart attack.

“Oh good,” Leia smiles, then reaches across the table to grab Han’s hand, “Now we can tell you that your father and I are back together,”

Ben feels dizzy from the sudden whiplash, “What?”

“These monthly nights made us realise we missed each other,” Han admits, looking at Leia with the smile he only ever uses for her, “And it just felt natural for us to...reconnect,”

Ben has to fight the urge to grimace. He knows that look too - he came home from school once too often to the sound that look produces. During the divorce he had lived on and off with the Tico’s and with Dameron’s because of how often the fights would end in a physical act. There are only so many times you can walk in on your parents doing the horizontal tango before you’re scarred by it. Surprisingly after the divorce...it was like when he was a kid again; they were softer to each other, Han teasing Leia, Leia always greeting him with a smile. It became easier.

And apparently it has gotten a hell of a lot fucking easier without him. 

“Excuse me,” he manages, rising from the table. The world spins under his feet, breath a little hazy. Poe and Rose chorus their congratulations and he fights for words, steps quick and light as he moves to his room. He’s face down in his bedspread for what feels like the 40th time since Rey has moved in, feeling pity for himself like nothing else.

But this time it’s right because Snoke, and Vader and Palpatine were right his parents don’t need him, he makes everything worse-

“Ben,”  _ tap, tap, tap, _ “Ben, can I come in?”

Ben feels pathetic, hiding in his room like he’s six and he’s broken a plate. He doesn’t say anything but the door swings open anyway, Leia haunting the door with a frown. She moves delicately and he rolls over, facing the window so she can't see him. He feels childish, embarrassed at his reaction to what should be a happy moment. The bed sinks when she sits, swinging her legs so they bump into his. Ben squeezes his eyes shut, words coming out in a rush, “Did you split up because of me?”

Leia sighs. It’s a tired sigh, like she was afraid of the question all along. But her hand moves up to his hair, running through the strands to calm him, “We split because of a lot of things. You were never one of them, Ben,”

He doesn’t believe it, a sob escaping his mouth as he buries his face into the pillow. Snoke was always right, he always was and he’s spiralling knowing that without him-

“Ben,” Leia runs her fingers through his hair gently, “I promise you, the divorce was not your fault. And us getting back together? That is thanks to you,”

Time stops. He sits up, blinking his wet lashes at her. His own eyes are reflected in her face, sad and worried. His mother looks so much older than he ever remembers, but he feels like he’s five years old again, crying in his mother’s arms for comfort, “What?”

“Ben,” she smiles, her own eyes cloudy, this time with tears. Her hand rises up to rest on his face, thumb tracing over his scar, “Ben, Sweetheart. We love each other so much more because of you. We only wanted to get back together because of these nights,”

“Oh,” he manages. His parents love him no matter what. He...he actually brought them back together. Fuck.

He wants to phone Ashoka, tell her about this and that he’s wrong, his parents love him and he’s not a total fuck up but he doesn’t want to leave this moment with his mom where it’s just them and his room. And his parents getting back together. 

“I love you, Ben,” she kisses his forehead, hand soft on his cheek.

He breathes a sigh, chewing on his own lip, “I...I love you too, Mom,”

* * *

It’s at the weekend when they  _ actually  _ celebrate. R2 is unfortunately put away in Rose’s room with puppy pads, food and water and lots of toys so as not to be overwhelmed with all of the people invited for Ben’s party. Of course, Poe invites his latest squeeze BB (who Ben has seen on the scene for a couple of months. He knows not to ask questions though, because Poe will absolutely tell them what's going on when he’s ready. As far as Ben knows it’s not exclusive but...he does like them. And if Ben was to ask, he’d keep BB around if only for their sense of humour), and Ben invites Phasma and Bazine. Rose invites her sister and Finn, and Rey just asks if she’s invited. 

It’s a small party before they go out to the club (with Ben as designated driver due to his prescribed teetotalism) but it’s enough and he can't wait to see everyone. Even Finn, if only to apologise for his lack of warmth when they first met.

He dresses himself in a black shirt and black skinny jeans and calls it good with a brush of his hand through his hair. But Rey...really fucking pulls it out of the bag in silver sequin shorts and thin strap tank top, bare legs and fuzzy socks with her eyes all done in dark eyeliner and hair pulled into three buns. She looks amazing, and Poe has to elbow him hard in the stomach for him to actually be able to voice that.

Fuck, he’s in trouble. 

He manages to ignore it for a while, greeting everyone as they come in. He takes hugs and well wishes as best as he can, trying not to spill his fruit juice everywhere as people get progressively more drunk. BB helps a little, but Phasma just watches, smirking at him as things get progressively wilder. It’s just his luck to finally get a little moment of peace where Rey is laughing with Rose. A piece of hair falls out of her three buns, curling around her nose before she bats it away. She sees him staring and waves him over. And Rose gives him a look before he does walk over, her eyes telling him all he needs to know.  _ Make a move, idiot.  _ Ben can’t rely on any liquid courage for this, so he has to sum up all of his bravery which isn't much but it’s enough. His palms sweat a little as he pulls her aside, “Rey I uh, I have a question-,”

“BENNY BOY!” 

He closes his eyes. Fuck. 

Turning, he plasters on a fake grin as what used to be his favourite person saunters in. She sends a black lipsticked smile his way, snakebites in her bottom lip as she saunters on. Bazine, as always, is the centre of attention in a latex dress that hugs tightly to every single part of her figure. He knows how long it takes her to get in and out of that dress so he appreciates her effort. She throws her arms around him, smacking a kiss on his cheek with a loud mwah.

“Baz,” his voice does NOT squeak, “This is Rey,” 

Baz looks at her up and down, eyes calculating with a smirk at the corner of his mouth. Rey stares back, a polite smile on her mouth and eyes hard. Ben feels very much caught in a tug of war he doesn’t want to be part of. But he doesn’t say anything, breath held as the two women seem to size each other up. Then Baz relaxes, genuine smile spreading over her mouth as she spreads her arms wide, “He’s told me so much about you, darling,”

Rey grins back, accepting the hug gratefully, “All good I hope?”

Baz pulls back, eyes wide in pretend innocence, “Well actually-,”

Ben quickly cuts her off, grabbing the arm of Phasma who towers over him in heels, “Phasma, meet Bazine,”

Bullying Ben is clearly off the table when she sees Phasma. She instantly preens, hand playing with her hair as her tongue snakes across her piercing, “Take a picture darling, it will last longer,” 

His relief lasts all of five seconds.

“What have you told Baz about me?” 

He stares, wide eyed and courage gone, “Not much,”  _ just that I want you so bad it hurts sometimes. _

“Well she seems cool,” Rey gives him an awkward smile then leaves again, and it’s not until he finally sits down on the couch he even has the opportunity to even look at her again. 

“Why are we playing truth or dare?” BB asks, rolling their eyes, “We’re not five,”

“Clearly you’ve never played it with me,” Poe retorts, pulling them into their lap as they squeal. He casts his eyes around the room, eyes settling on a bored Bazine with a beer, “Baz, you first. Truth or dare?”

“Truth, obvi. The last time I played this with you, Poe, I almost caught something from a club floor,” 

“Have you ever had a threesome?”

“Yes,”

Poe crows, sitting up straight. BB shuffles in his lap, clearly just as interested, “Holy shit, spill the beans. Who with?”

Baz smirks, “How’d you think I met Ben?”

“That is NOT true, that is not how we met,” he snaps, putting down his drink with some care, “Baz, say that it’s not true-,”

“Fine,” she rolls her eyes, “No, that was just the aftermath,”

The room erupts with laughter, and he rolls his eyes. Why the fuck did he invite Baz again? His eyes fall on her legs in Phasma’s lap and the sidelong looks of interest they give each other. Baz has done a lot for him, so if this is what he can give her in return? Then he’ll take it.

“Ben, truth or dare?”

“Truth,” he sighs, head rolling back onto the couch.

“Have you ever kissed a guy?” Phasma asks, and Bazine snorts from the floor.

“Ben has kissed more guys than I have,” Baz sits up on her elbows, pinning him to the couch with a wicked grin, “Ask him who the first guy he kissed was,”

Phasma’s eyes flick from Baz back to him. He winces, knowing the answer will not be pleasing, “Poe,”

To her credit, Rose doesn’t lose her temper. Much.

“WHAT?!” Rose swings her arm wide, beer sloshing out of her cup, “How did I miss this?”

"Party in senior year," Poe shrugs, pink flushing across his cheeks, "I asked Ben to teach me how to kiss,"

Rose blinks, "Same night Ben met Tai and lost his-,"

Ben swiftly interrupts, "CAN WE NOT DISCUSS THAT?" 

The room erupts with laughter again as he flushes, avoiding Rey's eyes desperately as he takes another swig from his cup, "Poe was a shit kisser anyways,"

Rose leans back contemplative as Poe squawks his offence, “Wait so...Ben has been both of our first kisses? Wow,”

"I'm a good kisser," Poe insists, pushing BB out of his lap as he stands.

Ben raises his eyebrows, "Prove it,"

Poe grins, shifting onto his knees as he clambers over to Ben’s seat. His lips are soft, better than the first time they kissed. His fingers thread into Ben’s hair as he presses into him, mouth opening gently. He actually knows what he’s doing with his tongue this time...which is interesting to say the least. Ben sinks his teeth into Poe’s bottom lip, making Poe shiver as he pulls away. Ben rolls his jaw, smirk curling the corner of his mouth, “You’ve gotten better since we were seventeen,”

Poe’s eyebrows raise, challenge in his eyes, “So have you,”

They eye each other for a few seconds, temptation making his decision making heady until Rose claps her hands together, pissed, “HEY. No breaking the pact, assholes,”

Ben laughs then, long and loud. He takes a drink, winking at Rose who only scowls back, tucked into Finn’s underarm. He can feel the eyes of a certain girl on him though, burning a hole into the side of his head. He lazily turns to look at her, raising his own eyebrows, “I can hear you thinking, Rey. What?”

Rey cocks her head buns bobbing as she takes a swig of her drink. She swallows, looking at him from beneath her eyelashes, “So you’ve kissed everyone in this room but me?”

His mouth goes a little dry, squeaking, “I haven’t kissed BB, Phasma or,”

Rey rises up, plopping her drink on the table, “I pick dare,”

BB frowns, as confused as Ben “It’s not your turn-”

Finn cuts them off, rolling his eyes, “I dare you to kiss Ben,”

And then his lap is full of Rey and she’s kissing him. He's kissing Rey. HOLY FUCK HE'S  _ KISSING  _ REY. This isn't supposed to be happening but somehow it is, her hand is on his face. His hands are currently waving around in the air like the idiot he is so he wraps them into her three buns instead, pulling them so her hair is loose in his fingers instead. She moans into his mouth and his eyes roll back into his skull with pleasure as she moves to straddle him on the couch. Her cunt brushes his cock and he does moan himself that time. He's so desperate for friction but so close to cumming in his pants he has no idea whether to thrust up or let her take the lead. Rey seems to get a clue from his hesitance because she grabs both of his hands to situate them directly on her ass. The tiny sequins are rough on his hands but it's easy enough for him to slide his hands down so instead he's gripping her strong tanned thighs instead. She rocks her hips forward in encouragement and he bites her lip in retaliation. She shudders against him and his dick gets impossibly hard at that moment. He moves his hands underneath her shorts and he can feel the tiny scrap she's wearing as underwear and the burning heat of her pussy only inches away from his fingertips. She's so wet it's started to drip down her thighs.

His mouth goes dry and all he wants is to taste her. Rey pulls back and away from his mouth. Her pupils are blown so wide there is only a sliver of green around them. The flush is high on her cheeks and Ben wants to know if she'd look that way painted in his cum-

"You know we're still here right?" Poe drawls from the couch next to them.

Rey barely even reacts, flipping him the bird before desperately asking, "You can carry me to your room right?"

Ben manages a breathy, "Fuck yes," before he picks her up and carries her out of the living room. He has to work not to trip on Baz, who only scoffs at them as he practically runs down the hallway. He’s kissing her by the time they reach his door, muscle memory making opening the door easy. He practically throws her on the bed, watching her strip off her tank top in seconds. He groans when he sees no fucking bra again. The girl is absolutely going to kill him.

Rey looks back up at him when her fingers catch on her shorts, confusion written on her face, “You...you okay?”

He pauses, feeling insecure and silly when he says, “I don’t want a one night stand with you,”

She blinks at him, “I don’t want a one night stand with you either,”

They both pause, just staring at each other. It feel inexplicably stupid, just gaping at each other gormlessly as they realise they could have been dating at least a month ago. She is as big of an idiot as he is and he almost wants to laugh but that would be wasting more time. Ben practically drops to his knees, hands working to pull her shorts down. They rip like paper in his hands and Rey gasps, breathlessly, "Ben!"

"I'll buy you a new pair!" He promises, frantic to get her underwear off so he can see the pussy he's fantasied about for FAR longer than is polite. 

"Don't-," she yanks his hair and his eyes roll back even as he followers her grip, panting hard. Her eyes glitter, her mouth curled where his is slack, "Just, just fuck me,"

There is no need to tell him twice. He nearly rips his own jeans in his desperation to get them off 

"Holy shit," 

Ben preens a little at that (he's a guy, okay), ducking down to press kisses to her tummy as his cock bobs heavy between his thighs. Her cunt rubs against his own stomach when she rolls her hips against him. He can feel how hot and wet she is, and it makes him shudder this time, fingers reaching to tweak her nipples as he reaches to kiss her. Rey's lips are soft, her fingers curling into his hair as he kisses her with a gentleness his hips don't show when he's grinding against her. But the real surprise is when she clamps her thighs around him and spins. He’s left on his back, gaping up her but she wastes no time in adjusting herself so she’s holding his dick aloft. Her eyes pin Ben to his sheets, “I’m clean and on BC. I haven’t slept with anyone in a year. Are you clean?”

He nods once, still open mouthed as she nods back. Then Rey just  _ slides  _ down his dick as her eyes roll back with a little shudder. Her cunt squeezes him like a vice and he has to fight not to come in that instant. Then she rocks, just once. It sends pleasure blinding up his spine, making his vision white out instantly. 

"Fuck," he groans the words into the back of his hand as he watches her perfect tits bounce. She rides him furiously, chasing after her own orgasm with little gasping breaths and when Ben thrusts up she whines so loudly that he thinks the sound will ring in his ears forever. 

"Fuck me," she moans and Ben can only oblige, rolling his hips to meet hers. The slap of skin echoes around the room as he slips a hand down to where they're joined. She soaks his fingers almost instantly and he wants to bring them back up to his mouth to suck the taste from them but he wants Rey to come first. He wants to feel her squeeze around his cock as she bites her lip, moaning the way he's heard her through their thin walls. 

Admittedly, this is so much better than any of his sessions lying against his bed, feeling like a pervert as he touches himself to the sounds of her slick fingers and muffled whimpers. Right now is Rey haloed in sunshine as she smiles at him whilst he rubs her clit, feeling her tighten ever so slightly as she climbs closer to her release. 

Her hips stutter, rosy mouth turning to a small o as her eyes roll back. She gushes around him, soaking his cock, the bed and his fingers. The sight pulls him further and her cunt grips him so tight he follows her over and spills inside her.

Rey falls forward, shaking as he holds her. He lays there panting, running his fingers up and down her spine. It feels like forever, his dick softening inside her before she whispers, “Why haven’t we been doing that since day one?”

He can’t help himself; he laughs, which sets off a chain reaction in her. The lie there, giggling like teenagers for years until Rey’s phone buzzes on the floor. She clambers off him, ignoring the cum running down her thigh as Ben watches her peachy ass when she bends. 

“Rose says they’ve gone out to the club,” She turns back, raising an eyebrow grinning widely, “How long before you can go again? Or should I go grab my vibe to use?”

His dick springs to attention immediately.

* * *

_ *3 Years Later* _

“I can’t believe your parents got married again,” Poe says quietly, eyes wide as he stares at Ben’s happy parents. They have their heads pressed together as they slowly spin on the dance floor. It’s a beautiful image for Ben.

He’s one year into his eventual degree in zoology, hoping to work for the Butterfly Centre when he finally graduates. Rey took him to the tattoo shop for his 27th, paying for the tattoo on his chest of the blue butterfly to match the one on her left hip. His hand automatically seeks it out as he watches Rey and Rose swing each other around drunkenly as the band play out thier final song. 

Life is so good.

And Ben can’t stop smiling, “Yep,”

The wedding was beautiful, just the Tico’s, Dameron’s and Rey. And Luke of course, seeing as he actually owns Nonna Padme’s villa. But the band is finishing up their last song as his parents stare into each other's eyes and his girlfriend practically stumbles into his arms. His girlfriend Rey, who won’t be his girlfriend for much longer. Hopefully. She looks just as beautiful as the first time he saw her, but her hair is loose now, soft waves that tumble down her back with metal butterflies braided into her roots. Blue to match her swing dress and Ben’s tie. 

His mother stumbles over, holding tightly to her husband like she’s afraid to let him go for fear he’ll disappear with Uncle Chewie, who’s currently bartering with Luke about continuing the party further. 

“Good night, Benny,” Leia pulls him down in a hug, pressing a kiss to the side of his cheek, “I love you,”

He says it easily, not even doubting her words this time, “I love you too, mom. Enjoy your wedding night,”

“Oh we will!” she snorts, holding onto her husband’s hand like a vice as she smiles up him dreamily, “I’m hoping he’ll do this new-,”

“And that's enough from you,” breezily, Han claps his hand over Leia’s mouth, nodding to the two boys, “Goodnight you two,”

Ben laughs anyways, watching his mom and dad leave hand in hand. Chewie and Luke start to shoo the rest of them to bed, Poe and BB leaving easily whilst Finn insists on giving Rose a piggy back. His uncle, Luke, who adores Rey, fixes Ben with a look, “You know...the gardens in the back are very private...no one will know,”

The tattoo burns and he just nods, tongue too big for his mouth. He doesn’t stay anything in reply, simply picking up Rey’s abandoned shoes and linking his arm through hers, “Come on, Sweetheart,”

It’s not a long walk; the villa isn’t insanely big but instead it’s just filled with arches and romantic moments. Rey refuses to stop dragging him into shadows though to try and kiss every inch of his face. It helps his nerves, knowing that the way he feels is just as strong as the way she does.6

“This place is amazing,” Rey giggles, tapping Ben on the nose with her finger, “Not as amazing as you, mind,”

He rolls his eyes, trying to suppress a smile as he leads her through the tunnels and arches, “Why, Rey, you’re not hitting on me, are you? What will Luke say?”

Her laugh rings around the entire villa, like sunshine bouncing off of the arches. He cant stop himself from smiling back now - her happiness is infectious. Ven hasn’t stopped smiling since they first kissed. Of course they still fight, but therapy has helped both of them with their abandonment issues. It’s made those big fights easier, softer to sort through. 

Ben still counts to three sometimes. But that's okay, because he knows how to address his anxiety and how to open up now. It’s taken a while to understand that normal is relative to who you are. And they are normal to themselves. 

“Holy shit,”

He comes back to himself. Rey is transfixed, eyes shining and mouth open as she stares out into all of the meticulously maintained flowers. Padme loved her summer villa, planting as many flowers as she could. When Anakin got worse she had paid for the garden to be maintained. Then when she passed her twins had kept the tradition going. When Luke had returned from the war without his hand he had moved to the summer villa, finding peace in the flowers. And it has grown in the time since Ben has last been: flowers in almost every colour blooming in fragrant beauty, even in the setting sun. Rey walks away from him, fingers trailing in the pollen of the plants.

“This garden is insane!” she manages, twirling around like she’s in a Kate Bush music video. Her blue dress flares out around her knee, petticoat fluffing out around her legs, leaving him tongue tied and stupid in love. God, he loves her. So much.

“Rey,” he finally manages. He gets on one knee, watching as her eyes grow wide in anticipation. He holds up the ring. The diamond is the same blue as the butterflies in Rey’s hair.

“Rey, will you marry me?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading! I hope you enjoyed it as much I did. If you need an extra tag or TW added please just let me know.
> 
> Comments and Kudos mean the world to me, and you can find me on Twitter [@PunkyAo3](https://twitter.com/PunkyAo3)

**Author's Note:**

> Please let me know if there is anything you would like tagged. You can find me on Twitter [@PunkForTheMomen](https://twitter.com/PunkForTheMomen) where I post ideas and spoilers!
> 
> Kudos and Comments mean the world to me.


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